pale birthday

i have a cold and feel like i should be spending the whole day in bed napping. but my life is not as important as yours anymore and i can’t even grab a kleenex to wipe my dripping nose as i try to breastfeed in bed, nor can i get up to catch wanda’s prolific hairballs. leanne got up to sleep upstairs last night because she couldn’t sleep for lucy and for me coughing. i am in fear that you will catch a cold and not be able to breathe. can’t take a weekend away to sonoma or do things i used to do but what are those?

you are crying in the playgym and i have to try to find a way to divert but i am too exhausted to carry, hold you.

and i hadn’t even realized it is your month birthday – one month old, today.