the peak of summer

the peak of summer

judging by the deep grey color and smooth texture of the fog cover outside my window, and by the fact that it was at least twenty degrees warmer before i started home tonight, i’d say it’s the peak of summer. the perseids are on their way back, and apparently mars is approaching as close to the earth as it ever has been in recorded history!

all of this rivals the excitement of getting to see dr grissom again tomorrow morning. i was due there last week, but her office called to reschedule, and did not confirm today, so it’s possible i will have slipped through the cracks. if not, i should get a better read on what’s to do with my medial scar. i took some new pictures of it yesterday, and perhaps i will be in the mood to post them and compare with those i stopped posting – oh – may or so? it looks like two hard red knots on either side of the incision – basically, where the knots of the sutures themselves were. it’s really quite odd — because before i started all this breast mammography and biopsy business, i never had lumps like this. and now i have definite lumps – something that should strike fear in any woman, even if just from a scar.

best wishes go out to elaine, blake’s mom, who began aggressive chemotherapy today in albuquerque. she visited san francisco last week, giving us the opportunity also to see the lovely whirlwind that is blake, to get a second opinion from the folks at california pacific medical center. she’s apparently got a really very serious, nasty inflammatory cancer. blake has gone out to join her (having successfully procured new car keys after slipping her old ones down the elevator shaft). we are thinking of them both and hoping for the best things… the best in western and holistic medical attention, the best friends and support systems, a little oasis here and there, the assistance of a bright visiting planet, a little magic, some refreshing coolness now and then, like yesterday’s creamy coconut sorbet from mitchell’s, a blanket of fog under the summer heat.

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the fog is back

the fog is back

we sweltered for a couple of days last week, but the fog rolled back in during the dyke march on saturday night. this morning, san francisco remains comforted by its white blanket, soothing what surely remains of the weekend’s pride hangover.

there was a lot to celebrate, with the texas ruling. however, it sets the stage for plenty of people to be even meaner. gays, the “gay lifestyle”, and the “homosexual agenda” are set to grow into a large topic for the 2004 election. good.

leanne and i, since we’re both good project managers, were trying to figure out what the “gay agenda” would actually consist of.

  1. introductions: 20 years
  2. issues: 30 years
    1. deaths
    2. discrimination
    3. violence
  3. living with dignity: 3 years
    1. ‘domestic partnership’
    2. religion by choice
    3. battling antiquated law (supreme court)
  4. action items: indefinite
    1. run away to canada

…or something like that. it definitely needs work (as does the html for the nested ordered lists above).

oh and ps: an apology to the six of the nine justices of the supreme court (souter and the rest, you know who you are) (who are most certainly reading this as we speak!) for implying below that there would be a cowardly delay. you were most certainly not acting cowardly, after all, last week.

heroes at my table

heroes at my table

there is such a fogstorm in the city today. it is grey and windy; it has swallowed us all up. mistakenly, sometimes i say how beautiful it is to tourists who only have a fog day to experience the golden gate bridge. most people who go to the bridge for the first time would prefer to see it in its entirety, and i guess i can understand that.

i love the fog. the fog is alive; it creeps down in the carpet over the hills, turns twin peaks into water, is gorgeous from far away, and occasionally engulfs the previous understanding of the day. perfect for when you want to sleep till four, and don’t want to feel disoriented when you finally go out into the day. difficult for tourists.

and alas, i missed the ferry plaza farmer’s market today; i had wanted to see jessica prentice on stinging nettles. but the ferryplazafarmersmarket will be there still next weekend, and we are lucky. leanne sent along a wonderful newsletter from a place called two small farms, in which they sang the praises of organic milk, particularly straus. i feel so fortunate we can choose local, organic foods.

the days i ride the train, i usually take the paper along and read things that make me glad, or more often, upset. then, i am unusually chatty about current events at the end of the day, and leanne is quite tolerant. the other day, i came home demanding to know why it was so important that companies continue to turn growth year after year, and wasn’t that not going to be sustainable in the long run.

that’s quite tame in comparison to what democracy now does to me. for those days when i do drive, and i take my time enough to leave near nine and have a little more road to myself, and for when i’m feeling strong enough for it, i tune in to amy goodman and try to feel energized rather than demoralized by all the violations of social justice in the world, usually in the name of democracy and usually by the united states. yesterday, i was thusly blown away by the segment in which they discussed “U.S. Threatens to Withhold AIDS Drugs from African Countries That Bar Genetically Engineered Foods”, amongst other things. food sustainability, “food sovereignty”, preservation of genetic diversity all seem so crucial to our continued existence, but corporate control, transgressions, and greed just keep pushing and pushing and winning, it seems. against the giants on this playing field — monsanto, dow, novartis, dupont — and bayer, lovely bayer — what can one person do?

sometimes, i’m just relieved to crawl right back home under the fog bank. certainly, every evening i come home to san francisco, i am relieved to be living in this city. and sometimes, sometimes there are positive things that happen, that make it all worthwhile. 90-year-olds and babies together in the streets after the bombing starts; amy goodman working to bring the information; ruth ozeki, barbara kingsolver; the center for food safety; rainbow grocery; jardiniere… ; all the local, organic farmers gardeners and otherwise foodmakers that bring organic foods every weekend to the ferry plaza… the heroes at my table. and the fog, the lovely fog, thrown in just to keep things beautiful.

and these days, after all, it seems like the best things that can happen are those where exactly one person does make all the difference. i only need to look at one of my favorite heroes, todd smith, to remember that. thank you for always helping me remember that, todd.

no sooner had i hit the ‘post’ button than we had an earthquake. in my memory, it was actually perfectly timed to hitting “post and publish”. it got me up to the doorway… a jolt; they are saying near santa rosa. this is when the san francisco a.m. radio heroes come to the rescue. only i seem to remember them keeping callers on much longer; all night long. now, they just sprinkle updates into the sports, financial news, traffic, business as usual… perhaps this is just not as big as those other times i remember. but i do remember… oh boy i do.

foggy tuesday

here we are on a foggy tuesday morning – the fog seems a little later this year than usual, but the cold feels right on target. wanda was accidentally left out in the back yard last night and i was awakened to clawing noises at the back door. today, it almost looks as if the old rhododendrons in the yard might bloom again – resurrected!