tear apart

leanne just hid her email from me when i accidentally came up behind her. i feel like i am completely interdependent upon her and yet she was obviously violated by my presence. i was tired and hungry all day running around – when i am actually quite exhausted and feel like i should be lying down when not feeding lucy.

lucy – you cried like you were going to tear apart from the inside today. your hands were up on either side of your face, clenched into fists and scratching your delicate cheeks. when evanescence came on to sing ‘my immortal’ amy’s soaring voice calmed you down; i thought – if i had a voice like an angel, would you forgive me? i can’t sing to you to make it stop; i can’t rock you in the right way or make the right cooing sounds to help you stop crying; i can’t interpret you to know why you are hurting; i can’t seem to make it better.