it’s now just over three weeks since the biopsy, and my breast has been sore for the past few days. it’s not the incisions that are aching – those are drying up though generally look the same as they did a week ago, and the bruise, though fading, is still there. it’s more like the flesh that was removed is filled with a dull ache in its absence. leanne says she misses the pieces that are missing.
i’m not nearly sore anymore. the incisions are still ringed with red, but are starting to dry out. the bruises are beginning to fade, even if they are still stunning arrays of color. scott suggested they could be “mood bruises”, changing color with my mood or maybe how hot or cold i am! now i grow curious about the permanency. leanne picked them both up last night and said my left breast definitely weighs less.
i took her to roxanne’s last night to thank her for all she’s done for me during this biopsy. my god, was the food delicious. clearly the most interesting, worthwhile dining experience in quite awhile. what they did with parsnips was nothing short of miraculous. and the truffle-asparagus crepe was simply astounding – and a treat to get in on the last truffles of the season. we like the attention to sustainability but get just a little confused at how labor-intensive that food must be, and then how far everything has to fly to arrive at our table. and then… our waiter was really quite tired.
also as a celebration of sorts, we’re hiking with colleen and tom today in point reyes, which i need nearly inexplicably particularly after this week. it’s not enough to heal my wounds externally and in an external environment that is currently hardly healing and often no small bit confusing, globally, locally, and personally. in my world’s microcosm, i go to work in a foreign company, in the curious position to dodge or field anti-american sentiment and then catch blame for being too sensitive and taking it too personally.
in fact, i must go to point reyes and seek solace. of course my environment is all about my insides these days. i wear the scar right out on my left breast, hardly yet totally hidden by the personal nature of its location. nothing about my inside feelings is unrelated to its outer manifestation these days, and if the outer manifestation is hardly one i like, i’ve got to take it somewhere else. the desire mounts almost so that i can’t go back to sleep like i should on my saturday morning. must get outside to heal inside. i mean, let’s be fair about it. after all, what have i been doing if not working too hard to heal the outside with my insides, in a losing battle. time to turn the table.
spike responds to my problem of being awake way too early on a saturday by puncturing my skin just at one of those veins they couldn’t find for the IV. maybe we just need more antibiotics all around.
i’m going back to bed.
heike is the sweetest. today, she sent along a bar of (dark chocolate!) toblerone, marked with both a centimeter and inch ruler! someone has been reading very very closely.