October 17, 1989, 5:04pm

I remember everything about that day 20 years ago.

It was a Tuesday. In the morning, Rebecca and I made plans to meet at Slim’s after work to buy tickets for the upcoming Phranc show. Then she went off on Muni downtown to her job, and I took a bus and walked to my job, at an architects’ office, on Townsend at 4th Street. On the top floor. In a brick building. On landfill.

I had only been working there for about a week, I think. I was temping. For lunch, I walked the couple blocks up 4th toward Bryant and ate Mexican food. It was a balmy, hot, humid, windless and dusty day. I ate a big lunch…

At 5:00pm, we were getting ready to leave work. I was sitting nearest the window to Townsend Street. My workmate Roxanne was sitting at a different desk across the room. Towards the entryway, there was a huge vase full of flowers against the wall, then the door to the emergency stairs, then the entry door.

At 5:04pm the rumbling began. It was fairly strong but not long, and I heard it as much as felt it. I heard the sounds of the bricks, just a couple feet away, rumbling together — a sound I shall never forget. I hadn’t gotten under the desk by the time it stopped – but as soon as it stopped, it started again, with a vengeance. I looked over at Roxanne just as she dropped out of sight below her desk. I promptly dropped under mine. The noise and the shaking was so incredibly violent; I was holding my desk so it wouldn’t rock away; I was holding the desk drawers that were flailing out. I was trying to keep my typewriter — typewriter! — from jumping off my desk and hitting me. I might have even groaned somewhat. It went on forever — and yet it had all stopped only fifteen seconds later.

Then there was silence. Which also seemed to last forever. But it must have only been seconds later that I found myself running down the emergency-lit stairwell the floor flights down to Townsend below. I’ll never forget (well, everything, obviously) the flower vase on my way out the door. The vase had lifted itself up and flown several feet, and laid there, a perfectly flattened smashed version of itself, flowers in tact, on the floor in my path.  I never returned to that job and never saw Roxanne again.

Outside, there was dust and heat and thick air. People were waiting in line at CalTrain phones (hard to believe – no cell phones, right!). I promptly thought of contacting my family, then about Rebecca. Was she stuck underground on Muni? Was she OK? I took off down Townsend towards our meeting point.

There was a huge cloud of thick smoke coming from the Marina area. I think I had already heard rumours of the Bay Bridge having fallen down. Then, two blocks from my work, I reached 6th Street at Townsend.

6th Street between Townsend and Bluxome; C.E. Meyer, United States Geological Survey; courtesy Wikipedia

6th Street between Townsend and Bluxome; C.E. Meyer, United States Geological Survey; courtesy Wikipedia

Down the short block, there was dust, there were a lot of people gathered, and there was a big pile of bricks. Somehow, I remember people were not moving very quickly — something I could hardly comprehend. I started towards the bricks; someone told me this: “You better not go any further; there are people buried under there.” Later I found out that five people died when the bricks had fallen on top of them as they were getting into their cars to go home.

I started to feel sick and worried about Rebecca and I started running towards Slim’s at 11th and Folsom. Homeless people had sprung into action and, since there was no power, were directing traffic in the SOMA area. I was terribly relieved when I found Rebecca, leaning up against the wall at Slim’s, waiting for me just as we had prearranged.

We had a beer at the Paradise Lounge on the corner and were watching a TV in there, that for some reason had power, when we figured we oughtta go see about our apartment.

It was now growing dark outside. The long hallway to our apartment on the second floor in the (brick) Skyline Building at Church and Market was dark, and the smoke detectors were going “beep, beep, beep,” which they would regularly do for weeks to come every time power went out again, as seemed to happen with the biggest aftershocks. We pushed to open our door — at first, the door was stuck and we were freaked out that it was wrecked inside. But it was just the stowed-away mirror doors that had fallen and blocked our path. There were a lot of cracks inside and broken plaster, and our refrigerator door was open — but other than that we were in-tact. I made a quick call to my parents to tell them we were OK. Then friends arrived.

Since we had a great central location, we were fortunate to have many visitors that night. Becky, who lived just across the street on 14th, came by. Later in the evening Lisa showed up — she worked in San Francisco and was waiting for the bus to take her back to Oakland when the quake hit. Others came by. It wasn’t until the next day that we heard where Becky’s roommate Angela was… Follow her blog for more on that.

We went and stood in line at the corner store and bought canned beer, batteries, and white bread, which we ate in candlelight, while aftershocks continued to freak us out all night.

That’s the basic story. There are many many strong memories in the shaky days, weeks, and months and years that came, such as standing in line for hours trying to give blood (when I was too faint by the end to donate), and being glued constantly to the TV (once the power came back on) to people I came to know as my guardian Angels, Pete Wilson and Anna Chavez. Every day for years after that — for as long as we lived in that apartment — I gazed at the leaves on the tree outside the window to see if they were moving. When there was still and calm, I was nervous. I craved the wind.

It was only 15 seconds those 20 years ago — and at 7.1, which somehow years later shrank to 6.9 on the Richter Scale, not nearly as big as some of the recent quakes we’ve seen worldwide. And in a pretty well retrofit city. Yet, those fifteen short seconds and the time that followed altered my own personal landscape, forever.

As a result of those few 15 seconds, I am now permanently claustrophobic, a terrified flier, and nearly always consider what I’m driving over when I drive the Bay Bridge. To this day my heart sinks when there’s an earthquake, regardless of the size, especially in the middle of the night, because I don’t get back to sleep. I tune into the radio (and now Twitter more and more) to find community to pull me through till morning.

On the other hand, I enjoy wide open spaces, I can usually tell you where the nearest exit is (along with all the other exits), and I value my friends and community so greatly.

So I finally commit this to writing today, in deference to the memory of the Loma Prieta Earthquake in 1989, and to my friends and my community, and most of all, to the powers of nature — and of love.

6th street between Townsend and Bluxome, today

6th street between Townsend and Bluxome, today

Charla Bansley, would you say that to my face?

my daughter -- climbing to new heights

my daughter -- climbing to new heights

My daughter, like many young kids, finds transitions difficult. Now that she’s been in Kindergarten for one month, things are getting better for her. We were thrilled when she was awarded “Community Leader of the Week” at her school last week, for exercising all of the school’s five “be’s” and in particular for being a good listener. Here are the five “be’s:”

  • Be Safe
  • Be Respectful
  • Be Responsible
  • Be a Listener
  • Be a Learner

It warms our hearts endlessly that she has achieved so much in so short a time. Her moms are especially proud of her earning the award for listening. We could all stand to listen a little closer, so I’m paying attention to my daughter for tips here.

I’m particularly interested today, as the Maine Yes on 1 folks release their “It’s everything to do with schools” ad (see Julia Rosen’s post from today for a good summary of it), in the quality of Being Respectful.

In the ad, Charla Bansley re-introduces the Wirthlin family clip from last year’s California Prop 8 ad. The Wirthlins are the ones who warn us of gay marriage being taught in schools. They even took this to court. In the court’s ruling, from a post over at Dirigo Blue, is the following:

An exodus from class when issues of homosexuality or same-sex marriage are to be discussed could send the message that gays, lesbians, and the children of same-sex parents are inferior and, therefore, have a damaging effect on those students. … It might also undermine the defendants’ efforts to educate the remaining other students to understand and respect differences in sexual orientation.

This is what’s really going on here. The Wirthlins and Charla Bansley have no respect for me and my wife, and want us nowhere near their children. Charla Bansley goes a step further in this word-for-word quote, as Julia Rosen reports:

Public display of psychosis and we have dealt with it by redefining decency down so as to explain away and make normal what a more civilized, and ordered, and healthy society would label deviant and the result has been a stunning failure.

Not only do you not want us around, Charla Bansley, but you find that we are psychotic, deviant, indecent, AND a stunning failure.  Really Ms. Bansley?  If you met me, would you say that to my face? Would you say that to my five-year-old girl?

In reality, Charla Bansley, the Wirthlin family, dear people of Maine (and California): If you vote to pass Question 1 just as California voted last fall to pass Proposition 8, we are not going to disappear. And furthermore, if we met you while we were dropping our kid off at school, we’d have a smile for you — maybe even a hug, especially if you were having a hard drop-off — just like for the rest of the parents we meet.  I am delighted that my child is at a school that teaches respect and inclusion, and I would be happy to teach my child to respect your child even if they are different in any or many ways.

I just want to close with this, if I have your attention: If you can’t treat us with respect in return, would you please at least not teach your children to hurt us, or to ask us to die, or otherwise bully us? Kindergarten can be hard enough as it is (and it looks like some of us could stand a refresher on the curriculum of being respectful).

PS: Take a look at last year’s California ad side-by-side with today’s Maine ad:

Today’s Apology for Clearcutting

Lucy in the Treehouse

Lucy in the Treehouse

Here’s another thing I have to apologize for because of my marriage: Clear-cut forests.

Back in October 2008 (before California’s Proposition 8 was passed to forbid same-sex marriage) my wife, Leanne, made a list of all the terrible things our marriage was likely to cause, including loss of freedom of religion and Armageddon. Recently I learned we’re causing this new terrible thing: clearcutting. Therefore, I’d like to apologize today for that.

I love forests; I prize our lush green woods; I greatly value the Earth and all people and life on it, and I try to teach my daughter the same.  Therefore, I’m really sorry that my marriage with Leanne is responsible for these new barren fields (and probably, therefore, our collective demise).

On the other hand, I would like to thank Maine Senator Larry Bliss, who in fact does NOT see it this way:

Rev. Emrich looks at marriage equality in Maine and sees “acres of clear-cut land.” I look at marriage equality, and I see thousands of Maine couples whose lives are more secure, whose children have more protections under the law and whose rights are assured to love each other and to have the law acknowledge and honor their partnerships.

Thank you indeed, Sen. Bliss, for this excellent article and thanks to Pam’s House Blend for pointing the way to it today.

And now let’s be serious. I have a feeling that most people are not fully evolved in their opinions about this like Rev. Emrich or like Sen. Bliss. I have a feeling that for many people the question of same-sex people marrying — which might seem new and scary to some, especially if you’re told it will cause so much terror — is not so (ahem) clear-cut.  I have a feeling that plenty of people are stuck in between, listening and reading, and trying to figure out how to make sense of all of this.  If you are one of these people, I invite you — in fact, I welcome you — to come to the table with us, sit down, and talk.

We’re probably not as scary and not as horrible as all that.