roller coaster

really, all i want is the bow

really, all i want is the bow

she’s on a roller coaster or maybe just me.
it seems her sleep is so fragile when she goes to it at night sometimes yet time and again she is a champ till later morning hours; this morning she woke just after five-thirty or so. so i’ve been up since then. a far cry from the 10p, 1a, 4a, 6a, etc etc. yet she was super fussy last night and today; just putting her down to sleep she cried and fell asleep then woke and wept a couple of times. before then she was fussy but leanne was holding her and she laughed a good sustained gut laugh — so i feel bad like i’m the one she cries with; leanne makes her laugh. and confused; i get intense handson time with her. leanne talks about going away. but she says she got my birthday wish come true – overnight new year’s eve in point reyes: a quiet new years, sleeping all day? she wanted to fulfill my unobtainable wishes. can i do these things? i’m a little wobbly and uncertain today. i can’t get work done and be a ‘wage earner’ and take care of her too, can i, can we?

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