why is the red cable the only cable that works as the WAN cable?

i was typing an email this morning when my toe casually knocked the ethernet cable, which inexplicably sent my macintosh into sudden death. five hours, four pieces of hardware, three ethernet cables, and multiple calls to leanne later, i have restored the red cable into the WAN port and the machines back to connectivity. what’s the point?

is this really a holiday? do i even deserve it now after assaulting my girlfriend alternately with anger and tears, and all over a bloody red cable? why is it that i must care about these things, when the world is so nice outside. should i get out for a walk for the holiday, or hide under the couch with wanda for what’s left of it?