it is

it is
the close of another month and i notice my calendar has already switched over to june without so much as my being aware of it. i endured a passing bout of nausea which could have been yesterday’s enchiladas, coupled with a desire to swill two pints for lunch which could have been brought about by the heat and hal’s visit, compounded by the rest of the ‘down turn’ the ultimate turndown service gone awry, and then quadrupled but then soothed by the distance between and the proximity of me and leanne.
she said it was spontaneous and she wanted to be that way and take me to the beach but there where the sun was casting loose waves still quivering long, wide, and gallantly through the normal place of the fog, we wrestled a little bit.

in the meantime, it is still about 120 degrees outside and way too hot to sleep inside. my head full of fire.

i crave withdrawl and decide to smoke again. the packs cost four dollars now; when did that happen? the plane leaves in less than three weeks; i cannot master the sinking feeling.

so instead, i clear the office and walgreens, 200 dollars in debit thank you botched cobra and blue shield, and the requisite valium. and smoking? yeah it’s so cool and so becoming the habit (heh); but it just makes me sick.
“child, you must protect yourself, you can protect yourself, and i’ll show you how with fire.” k.bush

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