Tag Archives for marriage

Carried in my heart

We were married last Sunday, October 5, out near Ocean Beach, surrounded by beautiful people, flowers, skies, and the great ocean.

There is so much to say about the ceremony and reception, but allow me to refer to my wife’s story, and also copy my brother’s picture, and just sum up the sweet conclusion to our wedding. After we wrapped up the poetic ceremony and fabulous reception at around 4p, the most die-hard guests came down with Leanne and me at last to Ocean Beach. Though we missed some people who had already come to the beach — and could have been walking further down while we frolicked — it sort of felt like we were part of the common tide. I took Lucy’s pocket kite out of my pocket and had a good run with it, actually getting it airborne — a nice metaphor for how I felt! The Enders family joined us and brought their own kite! Rob and Sam and McKenna and Will all tumbled around in the waves, of course pushing each other in. Loret scooped up Aislin from a scary encounter with a big wave, and Andy and Kristin watched bemused as I dipped my dress into the ocean while trying to fly the kite. Opting to spare their shoes, Alicia and Janice enjoyed the view from the Promenade while Leanne and I had to run rescue our shoes and purse, which were almost swept out to sea in that same huge wave!

family and kites on the beach

family and kites on the beach

A beautiful day that showed us many fortunes indeed.

Now that it’s been just over a week since our beautiful wedding day in the Tulip Garden, I’m still in a bit of a fog with all the things I’ve experienced, and all the things I still find to be mysterious.

Here are a few things I know about being legally married:

  • It takes a village. Of people — and places. To put together a party so big. And we are awed with gratitude for everyone who pitched in to make it a great day.
  • Every wedding dress should have pockets! Pockets rock.
  • Anyone should be lucky to have their child hand them flower petals while they recite their vows. It made our hearts melt.
  • It makes a huge difference to be a family recognized not only legally but under the general term of “marriage” — as Therese Stewart said, the word “marriage” matters; as Kate Kendell said, no father ever said he wanted to dance at his daughter’s civil-union-domestic-partnership-ceremony. “We dance at our children’s weddings. We get married.” It’s so much easier to describe ourselves now.
  • It’s all about love — within and for our community. I thought a lot about people who couldn’t make it for various reasons, and almost all of which mean they’re going through some sort of pain. I wished I could reach out and touch everyone who wasn’t there and let them know that they are indeed “carried in our hearts.”

Here’s what I DON’T know:

  • I still don’t know the mystery of how we became a family — I love how the Rev. Jerene Broadway and Rev. Jim Lowder, who performed our ceremony, described that as the work we’ve already done ourselves. Their work was merely to officiate the recognition of it.
  • I don’t know whether Prop 8 will pass and take our legal marriage away in November
  • I don’t know how to let people who would take it away know about our family, know just what this means, and above all know not to be afraid.

Maybe it will just happen slowly, naturally — well, with a bit of effort, as the kite lifts into the sky at dusk on a lovely fall day.

Love is patient and kind

Leanne and I are getting married soon, and we’ve been spending a long time working out our (excellent) vows. It’s great to take the time to re-appraise yourself of what is beautiful in your relationship — and in your partner. Often through this process, I have felt like all couples should have the opportunity to have a marriage celebration a decade after they first met: that’s when it’s really right to remind yourself of the strength of your relationship.

So it comes at no better time that I ask forgiveness of my fiancee-wife for accidentally posting a naked picture of her on Flickr! I did take it down as soon as I saw that Becky made a snarky comment (thanks Becky!) (after only being viewed 9 times). Leanne, forgive me, you are beautiful but my focus was really our daughter and her piggy-bank — I didn’t notice you in the corner! And if you are one of those lucky 9, please forgive me as well.

And now for another word on love:

(she forgives me!)

Licensed to marry

I think we took one just like this in 2004!What else, I asked Leanne this morning when we were in the county clerk’s office at San Francisco City Hall, can you do in a county clerk’s office besides get licensed to marry? “Register to vote?” she offered. We couldn’t think of a single other thing. Indeed, most of the couples we encountered today seemed to be just like us: going down to City Hall to get a marriage license. I never aspired to feeling so normal before, but there’s something so joyous in the fact that it is no circus, just the fact of a couple getting married, anymore.

Many of the pictures we took were nearly the exact same poses from that day in 2004 when Gavin Newsom opened up the licenses to everyone — except today when we got our marriage license, it was hardly as exciting — and yet very profoundly different. For one thing, we didn’t have to wait in line for five hours, but we simply made an appointment and showed up at 10am. For another, no news cameras. For a third, we don’t have to rush to actually have the ceremony on the same day as getting the license — and we can actually plan a wedding. Oh, and we have a four-year-old girl whom we adore (so we didn’t need the “planning for pregnancy” tips handed out with the license — thanks though!). Oh — and it’s legal.Put down the cigarettes!

It sort of sums it up, what we overheard while waiting for our form to be officialized (“now serving: number A40”): “After 20 years, I’m not nervous; I’m just excited!”

So there we have it. For the next three months, Leanne and I are officially licensed to marry. And we plan to execute it in style. Don’t worry — I don’t believe it’s lethal. In fact, after nearly 11 years together (and from those years, a huge pile of blog posts I migrated just today to WordPress that attests to how hard we’ve fought for our success), nothing could seem more regular, normal, human, and about time.