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lisa

lisa

and lisa wrote to leanne with some good information: 

... So sorry to hear of Moya's up coming surgery. It is horrifying
and depressing no matter what your odds are going in. I actually had 2
surgerys. The first in April 1999, then had the same open surgery on
the other breast in April 2001. The first time there was just one "fibro
adenoma" ( benign fibrous tumor) removed the second they removed 5. Of
course they did not know that they were fibro adenomoas until the
pathology came back. I had a great  breast surgeon as well, one of the
top in the field. The surgeries went great. They used conscious
sedation instead of general anesthetic, which means a quicker recovery as you
are not as deeply sedated. The pain was very minimal for me, only took a
couple of vicodin with the second surgery. With the first I tried to
take ibuprofen, which is my pain reliever of choice. But oops, also a blood
thinner, so needless to say I panicked when I began gushing blood from
my dressing. I also had a really hard time healing. Throughout both
procedures we found out the hard way that I am allergic to every type
of suture material. So my breasts kept filling up with blood and fluid,
then it would force the stitches out of my breast. I had to go in every
couple of days for 2 weeks after both surgeries to have fluid drained off with
a needle. Dr. Johnson and her collegues were very impressed with the way
my body was just spitting out the sutures. They were supposed to
dissolve, but no way. My scars are not noticable, she made the incision just
along the aereola, so scarring was not an issue, I just used vitamin e oil
for a month or so after I finally healed. The hospital will give her an
ice bag. Just remember that ice to any area of the body for over 30
minutes at a time can cause rebound swelling = pain. So break from the ice
every 30 minutes or so.



I am sure that Moya will get through this fine, but probably not without
preceeded anxiety and fear. I am certain that you will pamper her
throughout her recovery. The waiting for the results of mammograms,
ultrasounds and pathology was much harder on me than the surgery
itself. I will be thinking of her in the next couple of weeks and will be
sending thoughts of benign results her way...

note for leanne:


"I am certain that you will pamper her
throughout her recovery."

ted

ted

ted sent some sweet words last week:

I heard from your woman about the surgery. I know two (2) women down 
here who have had similar procedures with very little fuss or muss, so I 
hope you are not troubling your pretty little head about it too much. 
Magnificent breasts such as yours require periodic maintenance, like a 
powerful yet temperamental Jaguar coupe, it is all to be expected.

is there any doubt his book will be a great success?

to babble or not babble

to babble or not to babble

rudy says he thinks a breast scar would look sexy!

i’ve been thinking a lot about leanne’s comments. for the record, i don’t think this is *not* a big deal. but it doesn’t seem as much in my character to worry about the things that *are* happening. seems i’m much more comfortable dwelling upon all those things that aren’t happening but that might happen given any set of bizarre, tragic, and/or esoteric circumstances. just visit me before i fly to know this. or ask my mom and dad about my sheer terror over the toaster those nights in sacramento. just like ruth reichl, which i might say with just a hint of pride, i sometimes panic before the bay bridge and need to visualize atlas holding it up just to cross it. but when it all comes down to it and i finally get on that bloody plane, i tend to be quite calm (ok… so there’s valium to blame too).

so i’m not as anxious as i was – in particular – in the long days after i got that first letter last july. the letter was so naggingly vague, and made clear that i could do absolutely nothing until i scored the next appointment for a mammogram. i had no idea what they noticed going on in my breasts, hanging like two dark and mysterious orbs. i feared it was something really bad.

but now, it’s like light shining into my left breast. i feel an idea of what might be going on inside, and have an appointment to find out for certain. and i am promised a brand not unlike valium for a ‘monitored’ anesthesia. i have met the surgeon and she has looked directly in my eyes. i feel like she’s seen every kind of thing moving into this gigantic and growing circle, this non-exclusive club of people to whom calcifications and biopsy have happened. the more i talk about it, the more women say “me too” or “my friend so-and-so” — nobody DOESN’T seem to know someone with this. i’m not alone. and there’s eve, who’s water glass i must have drunk out of. and there’s leanne, taking notes on the whole thing. so there’s company.

also, and this might sound strange, but i like the attention. a biopsy – as validation (?!). and i feel taken care of.

or at least terribly common.

so i realize these might be illusions just the same, but they’re a better reality than i could otherwise dream up.

now that i’ve made the flight analogy, i’ve been lost combing through my old posts and my babbling capacity for psychofear, but again, about those things that aren’t happening (yet). and yet, yet i do distinctly remember walking up a hill in sf in june or in august 2001, looking at the skyline, and being terrorized by the hallucination of a plane crashing into it.

and what am i doing up so early on a Sunday!